The real balance of power


I look at my friends and acquaintances and see that the submissives I know are the more out-going group. They are also the more opinionated faction, less hesitant to speak their minds. But, according to prevailing public opinion, submissives are doormats, incapable of making a decision themselves, who are not allowed to have independent thoughts, who will not protest a direct order. Sorry to burst a bubble, but that is far from true.


Personally, I think the mundane tend to view submissives as less than human because they cannot comprehend how someone could willingly allow themselves to be tormented and humiliated. Maybe it started as some macho masturbatory fantasy…a person who will let you do anything and everything, no matter how perverse the act, and do it without a fuss. It’s an interesting idea, one that some people role-play, but that is not the reality of a D/s relationship at all.


Dominance and submission are equal sides of the same coin. One cannot exist with out the other. Entering into a D/s relationship is a choice that each partner makes for themselves. Each partner brings their own unique gifts to the relationship. In this case, the dominant and the submissive need each other’s talents and abilities for the relationship to work. It’s difficult to top one’s self or bottom to yourself, and it would quickly get boring even if you could do it.


The true balance of power in a D/s relationship is 50-50. Both parties made an informed choice to be there. The sub can leave at any time, despite what the couple may say to each other. Both partners take care of each other, both look out for each other, both worry about each other. They work together to achieve their goals. The submissive needs what the dominant is offering just as much as the dominant needs what the submissive is offering. Each partner has strengths and weaknesses that they balance out to form a strong single unit.


Submitting to someone is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It’s being secure enough in who you are to allow others to take control of you. It’s being brave enough to ask someone to help you explore the things that you only dream of. It’s having the courage to do the things that fascinate you. It’s knowing yourself well enough to understand what you need, despite what other people may think about it. It’s the ability to reach out and make your desires become reality. I don’t see any weakness there at all.


Look beyond the stereotypes, go past the role-playing. You might be surprised at what is there.


© D/s Seekers


Special thanks to MG and cleo from the D/s seekers website for allowing the reposting of this article.

4 Responses to “The real balance of power”

  1. I think wether a sub is a door mat or not depends on the sub

  2. bdsmfordummies Says:

    Hi Dante Sir, thanks for your comments – i agree, but also have to say i have met very very few genuine subs that are actually ‘doormats’. submission requires great strength and self-knowledge.

  3. Dante just for the simple fact you can’t see the point here and make such a statement showsyoure a novice at best…Which is fine…We all learn through life regardless….That never ends so…I am sure I do something or say something the same way in other areas so…My point is…Subs are by nature very strong and secure people unless theyve suffered abuse…It does require quite alot of self esteem to place yourself in a submissives position and it is definetly a position of strength. Now that being said some subs may actually have a kink about being a “doormat” thats a whole other subject.
    Nice site…Very well done.

  4. lol almost a year later but hey..I got here as fast as I could…LMAO

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